Loving His Forever Read online

  Ethan puts all the bags in the back seat. I open the passenger door and grab the oh shit handle and start to lift myself up when I feel his hands go to my hips and lift me the rest of the way.

  I get lost in my thoughts on the way home. Now that I have a good job, will Ethan want me to move out? The thought alone is scary because I’m so used to being around him. I sigh sadly as I rest my forehead against the window.

  “Angel, what’s the matter?” he asks softly. His hand on my shoulder pulls me up so I look at him. My eyes fill with tears at the thought of being away from him. What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t have become so dependent on this man, but how could I not? He’s made me feel safe for the first time in my life.

  I shake my head as I turn back around, not wanting to let him know my thoughts or see me upset. Of course he will want you gone, Brae. Who would want you to be around any longer than necessary? The other part of me is telling me Ethan wouldn’t have let me stay in the first place unless he wanted me there.

  I won’t allow myself to go back into the dark place. I sit up as we pull into the driveway. I can feel Ethan’s gaze on me every few seconds, but I don’t acknowledge him. He helps me down out of the truck. His heated stare stays on me, and I know he is dying to ask what’s the matter. Shuddering, I walk along the sidewalk and up into the house. I forget all about my bags. I’m sad in a way I can’t explain.

  When I’m in my room, I strip out of my clothes and grab one of Ethan’s T-shirts. I climb into bed and sniff the front of the shirt, unable to stop the tears this time. I don’t want to leave him. I admit my feelings for him go beyond those for a friend, but who would want someone so used up, so broken?

  “Angel?” Ethan whispers softly. I feel him crawl into bed behind me. His arms wrap around me and pull me to him. That makes my sobs ten times worse. Why am I getting so worked up when he never said he wanted me to leave? The thought alone of him wanting me gone is enough to put me into a fetal position.

  “Baby, please, what’s the matter?” His warm breath tickles my ear. I pull out of his arms and turn around so I can meet his eyes but immediately close them when I see his tender expression. I’m foolish. He cares.

  “Nothing,” I tell him softly as the pain slowly ebbs.

  “Tell me, Angel? Did I hurt you when I set you in the truck?” His expression is pained at the thought.

  I shake my head no frantically. “No, you didn’t hurt me. My thoughts got the best of me.” I bring my hand up and run it over his square jaw. He closes his eyes and tilts his head into my touch. My hand moves down to his full lips. His hand tightens on my waist as his breath stills, waiting for my next move.

  My gaze is on his lips. They look so soft, and I wonder what they would feel like if they touched mine. Not thinking, I bend my head forward then stop a hairsbreadth away from his mouth. I let out a deep breath and look at him. He hasn’t opened his eyes. His hands are tight on my body, waiting for me.

  I lick my lips then press them to his. I keep my eyes open so I can gauge his expression. His eyes fly open in shock. I pull back, ashamed. What have I done? My breath hitches as fire flares in his eyes.

  His hand entwines its way through my hair and pulls me back down to his mouth. Closing my eyes, I sink into the kiss, slightly hesitant. But then I open my mouth and mold it to his. He takes over and our mouths move together in a way that’s different than any other kiss I have ever had. This is soul-consuming.

  He pushes me down onto the bed and moves between my legs, kissing me deeply. My hands sink into his hair, tugging on the ends slightly. He breaks away, his breathing as rapid as mine. He leans up and kisses my forehead sweetly.

  Tears spring to my eyes again. Ethan looks down at me, saddened. “Baby, I didn’t hurt you, did I? Did I scare you?” He starts to pull back. I shake my head no as I pull him down to hug him. His hand hesitates on my arm before tucking me against him.

  I pull him as close as I possibly can, his face in the crook on my neck. His body is lying on top of mine, heavy but comfortable.

  “Braelyn.” His breath tickles my neck, making me shiver. I tighten my arms around him. I feel like I should be scared feeling the way I do. The way I kissed him. It’s just Ethan; if it were anyone else, I would have been scared out of my mind.

  “Hmm?” I answer him.

  “You know I will kiss you whenever I want now?” His voice is raspy.

  Chills run down my body before a smile breaks out over my face in the dark. “Okay.” I run my hands through his hair. He snuggles deeper into my neck and leans slightly toward my touch. A few minutes later, his breathing evens out. I close my eyes and fall asleep. Life can’t get any better.

  Chapter Ten

  Braelyn

  One week later

  “Happy birthday, baby.” Ethan kisses my cheek, stirring me from a deep sleep. Groaning, I turn over. I feel him get out of bed. I snuggle deeper into the bed with the blanket over my head and fall back asleep almost instantly.

  “Baby, breakfast.” He nudges my shoulder again; this time I’m ready to murder him. Cracking open a tired eye, I look up at Ethan, who is carrying a tray, shirtless, with that grin on his face.

  He just made me breakfast and carried it to me in bed.

  Smiling, I scoot up in bed with my back against the headrest. “Did you make me breakfast in bed?” I ask in a teasing voice.

  He grins cockily, not a shy bone in his body. His muscles bulge as he lifts the tray onto my lap. There’s a plate in the middle, piled high with pancakes, a small bit of butter sitting on the top, melting, a small bowl on the side full of bacon, and a glass of milk on the other side.

  “Thank you, Ethan. It looks delicious.” I pick up my fork and take a bite of my pancakes. Didn’t Ethan make himself anything? I look up and point the fork at him, then pat the bed beside me. “Eat with me?”

  He walks around the bed and sits beside me. Grabbing a piece of bacon, I lift it to his mouth to feed him. This is already the best birthday I have ever had. I still can’t understand what I did to deserve all this. I’ve done nothing to deserve even a morsel of what he is giving me. Me being happy is something I wouldn’t have ever thought would happen. I am happy. I have those demons, demons that haunt me at every waking hour and surprise me then knock me down a notch, but I claw my way back up. I’m far from being fully okay—I just learned to cope—but sometimes you gotta fall before you fly. I realize that every single day.

  “Angel, quit thinking.” His fingers wrap around my chin, and his eyes are full of fierce determination. “You are so much more than what you see. You deserve the world, and I want to make sure you get it.”

  How did he know what I was thinking? Again? I open my mouth to argue, but he sticks a piece of bacon in my mouth so I have no choice but to chew.

  “Hurry and eat, baby. I got you something.” He grins from ear to ear.

  “What is it?” I can’t help but ask as excitement blooms inside me. I wish he didn’t get me anything at all, considering all he has done for me already.

  “I’m not telling. Now eat.” He taps the side of my leg.

  “You shouldn’t have,” I start, but he puts his hand over my mouth. He gives me a pointed look that leaves no room for argument.

  “Just say ‘Thank you, Ethan’.” He moves his hand away.

  “Thank you, Ethan,” I tell him sweetly. Leaning forward, I kiss him on the cheek. As I start to pull away, he grabs my jaw and presses my mouth to his for a short, sweet kiss. Blushing, I go back to my food, feeling all too aware of Ethan sitting beside me.

  When I’m done, he takes the tray from me and puts it at the foot of the bed. Then he grabs my hand and leads me down the stairs and to the front door. Why are we going outside? I start to pull my hand away, but he tightens his grip.

  “Ethan, what are you doing?” I ask as he opens the front door. He doesn’t answer and pulls me onto the front porch. Right in the driveway stands a white convertible Volkswagen Beetle, exactly like the c
ar I always wanted. Why is it here?

  “Happy birthday, baby,” he says, kissing my temple, then he leads me off the porch and sets a set of keys into my palm. I stare down at the keys. Why would he do something like that? Why? For me? Unable to hold back tears, I feel them hit my palm. I want to be angry at him because this was something I wanted to do myself.

  “Ethan,” my breath hitches on a sob. I look up at him with tear-filled eyes. “You shouldn’t have done this. Why?”

  His hand comes up and wipes away my tears. Sniffing, I grab the hand on my face and hold it in mine. His expression is soft and tender. “You deserve the world, Angel.”

  Those five words shatter me into a million little pieces. The sob that sat at the back of my throat breaks free. I close the distance between us and cry into his chest. My heart is full of so many emotions I don’t know how to handle them all. Twisting my hands in his shirt, I pull him harder against me. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

  “Baby, tell me what’s wrong.” Ethan’s hand strokes down my back.

  “I don’t know what I feel. It’s overwhelming,” I choke out.

  After I compose myself, I pull back, wiping away my tears. I smile weakly at him. “Thank you for this. I’m not sure how I will ever repay you.” A cocky smile pops on his face, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes and laugh while still wiping my eyes.

  “A kiss will suffice.”

  I lean forward, stand on my tiptoes, and wrap my arms around his neck. He puts both arms around me and lifts me off the ground. My mouth seals with his, and he immediately takes over the kiss. His teeth nip at my bottom lip and pull. Pulling him harder against me, I deepen the kiss. He holds me with one arm while the other hand comes up to my jaw to control my movements. He slows the kiss down and pecks me on the lips. Then on my nose, cheeks, and forehead. He speeds up his pecks until he is kissing my whole entire face. Laughing, I lean my head back, the earlier moments of feeling overwhelmed gone.

  ~*~

  Later that night, I decide to text Sydney and tell her I want to go to the club. I’m scared out of my mind at the thought, but it’s time and I want to do this. I have chalked seeing the man in my bathroom up to being my imagination.

  She messages me a few minutes later, saying she will be here in an hour. I lay my phone on the bed before I walk downstairs to Ethan, who is lounging shirtless and in sweatpants. Stopping a few feet away, I suck my lips into my mouth nervously.

  “Hey, I’m going to the club with Sydney tonight,” I say hesitantly, not knowing what his reaction will be. If you haven’t noticed, Ethan is a little overprotective.

  His head shoots over to me so fast he could rival the exorcist. His expression is shocked. “You’re not going,” he says sternly and turns back to the TV, dismissing me.

  Oh no, he didn’t.

  “Yes, I am.” I tell him. He looks over at me, quirking an eyebrow at me like my opinion means nothing. I toss my hair over my shoulder and walk back up the stairs. Wearing my little white dress sounds like a great idea now.

  I know what Sydney will think when she sees what I’m wearing. But why shouldn’t I? One thing I learned at the center is that no matter what you’re wearing, it shouldn’t mean you’re asking for it or that you deserve being hurt. I shouldn’t have to fear getting attacked just because I’m wearing a tight dress.

  I walk to the closet to grab the white dress, then I head to the bathroom to put on my makeup. I decide on a little eye shadow, liner, and mascara. I don’t want to overdo it. I find the new hair wand I just bought and curl my long hair. As I’m twisting the ends, I think about getting it cut off to my shoulders.

  Stepping back, I look at my dress. It clings to my curves and hits mid-thigh, showing a good amount of cleavage. Not to the point where it’s considered slutty though. Should I be doing this? With shaky hands, I close all the makeup bottles and line them on the counter. The doorbell rings. Sydney is here.

  I grab my heels and walk down the stairs slowly, trying to calm my beating heart that is trying to beat its way out of my chest. When I hit the last step, Ethan turns to look at me. His expression turns stony with a look I haven’t seen on him yet.

  Umm, oh shit.

  “You’re not wearing that,” he says slowly through clenched teeth and takes a step toward me, his body towering over mine.

  Being stubborn, I put my hands on my hips and glare at him. “I am.”

  “No, you aren’t. You either change or I’ll change you.”

  His expression is still stony. I roll my eyes, ready to argue, when I’m thrown over his shoulder. “Ethan Blane, put me down!” I scream and hit his back. He chuckles and walks into my room like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

  He tosses me on the bed. I bounce slightly, and when he turns toward the closet, I take the moment to run out the door. I barely make it five steps when his arms band around my waist and he carries me with one arm back into the room. Digging through my closet, he pulls out the black dress I got.

  “This is better than the thing you’re wearing, but still isn’t good enough,” he mutters to himself as he walks over to the bed and sits me back onto the bed gently.

  “Maybe you should wear that pantyhose shit underneath?” he offers.

  “No! That would look awful; and they are called leggings.” I laugh, and his expression again turns stony at me laughing at him. He grabs the bottom of my dress and pulls it over my head.

  His breath comes out in a hiss as he takes in my white lace bra and panty set. Blushing, I duck my head. I’m embarrassed. I lift my hands as I try to cover myself.

  “Don’t,” he says and stops my hands. I look up at him, still embarrassed and feeling way too exposed.

  “You’re beautiful. Never hide, and never hide yourself from me especially.” He leans forward and kisses the top of my head. Goosebumps break out across my arms. He lifts the black dress over my head, minding my makeup.

  Lifting my arms, I slip them inside the armholes. I lick my dry lips without breaking my gaze from Ethan. He bends down until he’s eye level with me. “There is nothing more beautiful than you. On the inside and out.” He taps my chest and steps away into my bathroom.

  I start to go down the stairs; when I hit the bottom, I hear Ethan coming down behind me. I know if I talk to him any more, I won’t be able to force myself to go. Sydney is standing by the couch with a stunned expression. Ignoring her, I walk outside.

  On the porch, I look behind me and see Ethan talking to her. I don’t want to look at his face, so I turn my head. When I hear Sydney step onto the porch, I head to her car.

  I lean back in my seat while I look out of the window and see him standing next to a porch post, shirtless, staring directly at me through the car window, willing and wanting me to come back to him. What he said to me a few minutes ago will be forever branded into my mind.

  “That fucker,” I hear myself say before I can stop myself.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sydney trying to control her laughter. I slump in my seat and try to relax.

  “How did he get you to change?” Sydney asks curiously.

  “He changed me himself,” I grind out, kind of angry he forced me to change like that, but his sweet words made up for it and then some.

  “Oh God, that’s great,” she says and starts laughing uncontrollably. Unable to help myself, I laugh right along with her.

  “Let’s have some fun tonight.” I grin at her, forgetting all my fears and worries. She shakes her head as she returns my grin. I look out of the window. Then realization sinks in. What was I thinking? Oh God. No, no, no. I will be crowded by people, surrounded by groping men, and I’ll be completely alone for the first time.

  She pulls up in front of the club, climbs out, and walks over to my side. I don’t bother to open my door because she opens it for me and peers inside. “What’s the matter?”

  “I’m scared.” My voice is barely a whisper.

  “I know, honey. I’m
not drinking tonight. You have fun, and I won’t leave your side. You need to let loose and have fun. You need to live.” She takes my hand and pulls me out of the car.

  “Thank you, Sydney.” I lean forward and give her a hug before letting go with a small smile on my face. I push my shoulders back in an attempt to look confident, but on the inside I’m a mess. I cling to her hand as I look at my surroundings.

  We are carded at the front doors before we are rushed inside. I look around and realize it’s not that busy. Not like I was expecting. Slightly relaxing, I look behind me nervously as the door slams closed again.

  Sydney taps me on my shoulder and motions to a table off to the corner of the room. She sits in the chair across from me and picks up her phone.

  I feel like eyes are on me. The hair on the back of my neck is standing up on end. I lift my hand to my mouth and chew on my thumbnail nervously.

  “Let’s get you a drink,” she interrupts my thirtieth glance around the club. She pulls me up from my seat and leads me straight to the bar.

  An hour passes and I’m on drink number four. It’s a fruity drink, with only a small bit of alcohol, but I have a nice buzz going. It takes the edge off. We dance together on the dance floor, making sure to keep a distance from everyone else.

  When I need to pee, I motion toward the bathroom. She takes my hand so we don't get separated and walks slightly in front me, but pulls me a little too hard and I stumble. Then all of sudden something plows into Sydney. She falls down onto the ground hard, hitting her hip. I fall back onto my butt in a daze.

  A man is on his knees in front of me. He looks at me intently before he gets up. My heart hits the floor and my body freezes with pure unaltered fear. This can’t be happening. He’s found me. This is it. It’s like all the blood leaves my body. I can’t move.

  He grins at me leeringly. Sydney stands up and moves in front of me. Shakily, I get up and press my head to her back, trying to stop the panic attack I’m about to pass out from. It’s like I’m having an out of body experience. I can’t wrap my mind around what’s happening.